Who Should You Invite to Your Wedding?
A Thoughtful Guide to Curating Your Guest List with Intention (and Grace)
You’ve found the perfect venue, you’ve chosen the dress (or at least bookmarked it 14 times), and now you’re facing the deceptively complex question: who actually gets an invite?
While it might seem like a purely logistical step (how many chairs, how many menus?), your guest list is something deeper. It’s a gesture of care. A reflection of your values. A quiet, powerful expression of who you are, and the experience you want to offer the people closest to you.
At Ink & Paper, I work with couples who believe in doing things with purpose: couples who understand that a well-crafted detail can speak volumes. If that sounds like you, then curating a guest list won’t just be about numbers. It will be about atmosphere. Intention. And surrounding yourself with the right energy on the day.
Here’s how to approach it with clarity, confidence, and grace.
Start With Your Vision
Before writing a single name down, take a moment to align on the kind of celebration you’re creating. Ask yourselves:
What do we want the day to feel like?
Is it intimate and immersive? Grand and generous? Joyfully relaxed?
How will the space flow – and what does the guest experience look like from start to finish?
For many of my clients, it’s not about budget constraints so much as the space and rhythm of the day. You want guests to feel relaxed, welcomed, and looked after, not squeezed into a room or lost in the crowd. Thoughtful guest curation allows for that.
Step One: The Core Group
This is your foundation. These are the people without whom your wedding simply wouldn’t feel right.
Immediate Family
This usually includes parents, stepparents, siblings (and their partners), and grandparents. Of course, every family is different, and if your version of “family” looks a little unconventional, that’s more than okay. Authenticity matters more than obligation.
Close Friends
The people who know you best, have walked with you through real life, and feel like home. Even if you don’t see them every day, they’ve shaped who you are – and that deserves a place at the table.
The Must-Invite List
These are your Day One people: the names who anchor your celebration. The ones you imagine when you look out during your vows. As with all good design, this isn’t about how many, it’s about who brings meaning, warmth, and authenticity to your day.
Step Two: Plus-Ones, Thoughtfully Offered
Plus-ones can be one of the most quietly political parts of your list – but they don’t need to be complicated.
A helpful guide:
Offer them to guests in long-term or committed relationships, including those who are married, engaged or cohabiting.
Your wedding party should always receive a plus-one, regardless of relationship status, it’s a gesture of care for those supporting you most closely.
Be consistent. If one friend gets a plus-one for their boyfriend of 18 months, the same should apply to another in a similar situation.
You are not required to return plus-one favours from other weddings. This is your day, not a spreadsheet of social exchanges.
And if someone’s relationship is so new you’re still not sure of their name? You’re under no obligation to include them. If your focus is on creating a meaningful, intentional atmosphere, it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritise comfort and connection over convenience.
Step Three: Wider Circles and Evening Guests
Once the core list is complete, you can layer in extended family, newer friendships, colleagues, or connections that feel slightly more peripheral.
This is also where evening-only invitations can play a helpful role: allowing you to include more people in the celebration without compromising the intimacy of the ceremony or dinner.
Evening Guests Work Well When:
Your venue allows for a natural shift in tone – from seated dinner to cocktails and dancing.
You’d like to include wider social circles without overwhelming the earlier moments.
You’re planning a vibrant evening party where more energy = more joy.
Evening Guests Work Less Well When:
The event is short or has no distinct “evening” transition.
The venue is remote or access is logistically tricky.
The tone of the day is small, immersive, or ultra-personal.
Evening invitations should feel like a generous continuation of the celebration – not an afterthought. It’s about extending the experience without diluting it.
Step Four: Navigating the Grey Area
Some names won’t fall neatly into “yes” or “no.” They live in the liminal space – a cousin you haven’t seen since 2011, a friend you used to be close with, a colleague who invited you to their wedding six years ago.
Ask yourselves:
Would we notice if they weren’t there?
Do they bring ease, warmth, or joy?
Are we inviting them from love – or guilt?
You don’t need to invite someone just because you once shared a kitchen disco in university. If you’re curating the kind of day that speaks through its quiet intention, you’re allowed to be selective.
Step Five: Clarity Over Compromise
A few guiding principles to keep your guest list rooted in what matters:
You do not need to invite everyone you know. Your wedding isn’t a reunion, it’s a reflection of who you are now.
Guest numbers should support the experience, not overshadow it. Spaciousness, time, and ease all matter.
Environmental values come into play too. Fewer guests can mean less travel, less waste, and more sustainability.
Don’t be afraid to say no – kindly. “We’re keeping things intentionally small” is always a graceful line.
Remember, a carefully curated guest list isn’t cold or exclusive, it’s considered. It’s thoughtful. It’s a love letter to your people, chosen with purpose.
At Ink & Paper, I believe that design can be quiet and still powerful, and that applies to your guest list, too. Who you invite shapes the energy of the day just as much as your florals, your menus, your stationery. These choices don’t need to be loud – they just need to be true to you.
So take your time. Be intentional. And when the day comes, look around at that room – a room filled with people who matter – and know that every name on that list was chosen with care.
Planning your invitations next?
I’d love to help you bring your celebration to life on paper through bespoke wedding invitations or my House Collection suites – designs created to capture the feeling of your day from the very first impression.
Explore the process here or get in touch to start a conversation.