How to Address your Wedding Invitations in 3 Easy Steps
Congratulations!! You conquered one of the toughest parts of wedding planning: the guest list. Now it’s time to take these names and addresses of your loved ones and prep them for printing or hand lettering onto some gorgeous envelopes. Easy!
Not quite! While Uncle Peter and Aunt Anne’s titles are easy, what about your cousin Kate, who earned her Ph.D., but her husband hasn’t? Your best friend got married but kept her maiden name. Then you’ve got a family friend who’s a prominent judge, another cousin who got promoted to lieutenant, and your friend Avery’s new significant other doesn’t identify with a specific gender.
If you’ve ever glazed over when reading articles outlining the etiquette but without clearly stating the rules, then this blog is for you. First, we’ll organise these etiquette nightmares into 3 rule groups. And then, we’ll focus on titles that walk the line between formal and casual. This way, you can feel confident that the form you choose will satisfy both your grandmother and your friends without causing too much of a headache!
Group 1:
The Classic
Married that share a last name
Single men & women
Widows
Let’s start with the singles.
Example 1:
Envelope: Mr. James Burton
Invitation: Mr. Burton and Guest
Example 2:
Envelope: Ms. Anouk Cuneo
Invitation: Ms. Cuneo and Guest
Notes:
A) Plus ones: If you’re skipping the invitation addressing, feel free to add “and Guest” behind the full name on the outer envelope.
B) Single adults still living at home or as roommates: This may seem redundant, but single people over 18 should receive a separate invitation, even if they still live with their parents.
This also applies if you have two friends who live together as roommates. Why? Because it recognises the single person as a grown individual instead of treating him or her as a child who’s tagging along. It also ensures you can indicate plus ones without cluttering the envelope.
If the extra postage is concerning you, then ask yourself how you’d like to be addressed. As an individual, or as your parents’ tagalong?
Married couples that share the same last name and children:
Example 1: (Let’s pretend these four children are still underage.)
Envelope: Mr. Ian and Mrs. Amanda Young
Invitation: Mr. and Mrs. Young, Katie, James and Simon
Example 2:
Envelope Only: The Young Family
Notes:
A) While traditional etiquette doesn’t require it, use the wife’s first name as this is more inclusive. If you are opting to change your name, how will you feel if people omit your name altogether after you take your partner’s name?
B) Example 2 above leans towards the casual. If you intend to invite children to a formal affair, strongly recommend using the invitation to list them properly. However, you likely won’t offend people with this broad, inclusive style of address.
C) List children in age order from oldest to youngest.
D) Not directly indicating children will imply that they are not invited. If you want them present, make sure to indicate as such on the envelopes. If you do not want to invite children, then ensure you only include the couple’s names.
E) Boys under 18 do not have titles, but girls under 18 traditionally have “Miss” added before their name.
F) These guidelines for children apply for single parents and all subsequent examples.
Widows
Example 1:
Envelope: Mrs. Ayesha Spall
Invitation: Mrs. Spall and Guest
Example 2:
Envelope: Ms. Ayesha Spall
Invitation: Ms. Spall and Guest
Notes:
A) Widows may be addressed as either Mrs. or Ms., and she may or may not use her late husband’s last name. If you’re unsure, ask her. Chances are your 80-year-old grandmother will still go by “Mrs.” and her married name. But a younger widow who has begun dating again may have reverted to being Ms. Be sensitive as it’s important you get this one right!
Group 2:
The Modern Way
Married couples with different last names
Non-married couples living together
Single parents with children
Those who don’t gender identify.
I call this group the “Modern Way” because it represents the people that old school etiquette left out. So let’s fix that!
Guidelines that apply to ALL couples in this group:
A) Gender does not matter. Assuming neither partner has a special title (see group 3), you may either:
- List the couple by alphabetical order OR
- List the person you’re closest to first.
Married couples with different last names
Example 1: (Alphabetical Order by Surname)
Envelope: Mr. Jake Somerville and Mrs. Olivia Wolff
Invitation: Mr. Somerville and Mrs. Wolff
Example 2: (You’re closer to the wife)
Envelope: Mrs. Olivia Wolff and Mr. Jake Somerville
Invitation: Mrs. Wolff and Mr. Somerville
Example 3: (Same applies for LGBTQ couples–reversing the below is also appropriate.)
Envelope: Mr. Hayden Pratchett and Mr. Cameron Soames
Invitation: Mr. Pratchett and Mr. Soames
Non-married couples living together:
Example 1: (You know Willow better.)
Envelope: Ms. Hattie Morgan and Ms. Tara Clark
Invitation: Ms. Morgan and Ms. Clark
Example 2: (Alphabetical Order)
Envelope: Ms. Grace Adams and Mr. Max Turner
Invitation: Ms. Adams and Mr. Turner
Single parents with children
Example 1: (Before Rosalie turned 18!)
Envelope: Ms. Lore Gilchrist
Invitation: Ms. Gilchrist, Guest, and Miss Rosalie
Envelope Only: Ms. Lore Cilchrist, Guest, and Miss Rosalie
Example 2:
Envelope: Mr. Adam Dransfield
Invitation: Mr. Dransfield, Guest, Miss Kate, Miss Anna, and Miss Michelle
Envelope Only: Mr. Adam Dransfield, Guest, and Family
Notes:
A) If you intend to give a single parent the option to bring both a guest and his or her children, then add the guest directly after the parent’s name. Adding it after the child’s name makes it look like you’re giving the child a guest! Again, if you’re inviting children to a formal affair, invitation addressing is best.
B) Note that if you give a single parent a guest but exclude the children, the parent may bring his or her child/teen as the “guest.” If your wedding is adult-only, make sure you communicate this clearly on the invitation itself. I would also recommend mentioning this to the single parent verbally.
Addressing those who do not gender identify
Example 1:
Envelope: Tatum Hutchins
Invitation: Tatum and Guest
Example 2:
Envelope: Tatum Hutchins and Sophia Brinon
Invitation: Tatum and Sophia
Notes:
A) If you have guests on your list who don’t use traditional gender titles, then the easiest solution is to drop the title altogether. Doing so will show that you’re sympathetic to their sentiments.
B) It is increasingly common to drop gender titles these days. However, be aware of degrees of formality and familiarity when it comes to older guests on your list. For instance, if your parents are inviting friends that you grew up addressing as “Mr” “ Mrs” or “Ms,” then it may seem odd or less respectful if you suddenly drop those titles. As always, use your best judgment.
Group 3:
The Special Titles
-Doctors (including anyone with a Ph.D.)
-Judges
-Religious Personnel
-Military Personnel
Overall guidelines for this group:
A) You should NEVER use Mr., Ms., or Mrs. to address anyone with a special title, nor should you ever drop it altogether. These people have worked hard to earn their titles, so give them the respect they deserve.
B) For couples, always list the person with the special title FIRST. Like with the Modern Way group, gender does not matter.
C) If a couple share a last name and the same special title, then spell out the shared title first (i.e. “Doctors”). Then list their first and last names.
D) If the couple has different last names and the same title, OR if both have different special titles, then apply the same guideline from group 2:
- List the couple by alphabetical order OR
- List the person you’re closest to first.
*See exception for military below.
Doctors
Example 1:
Envelope: Dr. Liza Durity
Invitation: Dr. Durity and Guest
Example 2: (Person with special title first)
Envelope: Dr. Elliot Kelly and Mr. Sean Morley
Invitation: Dr. Kelly and Mr. Morley
Example 3: (Same last name & title––let’s pretend that Elliot and JD got married, and Elliot took his last name!)
Envelope: Doctors Liza and John Durity
Invitation: The Doctors Durity
Notes:
A) The title "Dr." applies to anyone who has earned a Ph.D.
Judges:
Example 1: (Person with special title first)
Envelope: The Honorable Judith Edwards and Mr. Gerard Edwards
Invitation: Judge Edwards and Mr. Edwards
Religious Personnel
Example 1: (Person with special title first, plus children)
Envelope: Reverend Adam Holloway and Mrs. Annabel Holloway
Invitation: Reverend Holloway, Mrs. Holloway, Matt, Miss Kate, Miss Lucy, Peter, and Miss Ruth
Envelope Only: Reverend Adam Holloway, Mrs. Annabel Holloway and Family
Military Personnel
Example 1:
Envelope: Commander Paul Johnson
Invitation: Commander Johnson and Guest
Example 2: (One person with special title)
Envelope: Second Lieutenant Simon Cooper and Mrs. Melissa Cooper
Invitation: Second Lieutenant Cooper and Mrs. Cooper
Example 3: (Both have different special titles––example below are equal in rank.)
Envelope: Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Roberts and Commander Joseph Smithson
Invitation: Lieutenant Colonel Roberts and Commander Smithson
Notes:
A) Click here for a full list of military titles.
B) MILITARY EXCEPTION: If a couple has different military rankings, always list the person with the highest rank FIRST.
Organizing Your Guest List
Materials needed:
Printed guest list
3 different coloured highlighters
Well that was a lot! But chances are good that your guest list does not have every case listed above; it will probably have 50% at the very most.
To make formatting your guests’ titles easier, print out your list. Grab three highlighters and assign a different colour to each group described above. With your partner, go through your list with each highlighter and mark who belongs in each group. Then you’ll be able to address each group separately without getting thrown off by a special case.
As always, if you have any questions or if I missed a particular scenario, reach out to me, I’m always happy to help!